I don’t really want to make a post about a specific thing. So; time to shoot off some random things I’m thinking about.
- Decided tonight to apply to UCF’s EXCEL program. It’s a program for people in the STEM subjects (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math). I’d really love to get into it. I think it would give me a good advantage over other people trying to get into a vet program.
- If my dad will pay for it and for some programs. I’m going to get a Macbook Pro. :) I just think it’s too nice of a computer for me to pass up if I get the opportunity to get it.
- As much as I miss church and being apart of that; I don’t think I’m a bad person for leaving. I’ll go back some day. I just don’t think God wants me to do that right now. I know, God not wanting me to go to church? Weird. But I think He wants me to focus on some different things. Like personally growing with him, not relying on a church service.
- Decided to get in contact with more of my extended family. And I’m going to try to start talking to my extended family, my dad, my little siblings, and my sister more. I haven’t been putting family in the spot it should go in.
- This goes with the previous one some. I’m going to Texas in less than a week to see my dad and his other kids. I love those kids. And he says that this is going to be the last time I go there to visit. I want to talk to my dad about maybe not letting this be the last time. Maybe going there my freshmen year of college. And I want to start calling that family. Get to know my little siblings. I want my future kids to know their Grandpa John and Uncle Luc and Aunt Devin.
- With going to college next year, as it gets closer to the summer and graduation, I’m realizing all the people from my high school that I will probably never see or talk to ever again. I’m hoping facebook and texting works its twentieth century magic and makes it easier to keep in touch. Since I feel like people I even called a “best friend” at one point will probably be gone out of my life. That scares me.
- I need to study. Having no laptop to play on all the time has made me realize this more. I have AP tests in May and the ACT in April. I need to focus more on these tests for the future. All of these could save me a ton of money for college and passing these AP tests this year can really help me graduate UCF in three years.
- I applied for a job! :) Yes, applied. Its a research job with plants at the Archbold research station about 40-50ish minutes away. I’m really hoping I get the job. It would be another thing that would give me a slight edge over others getting into a vet program and I think it’d be fun. Plus I could use the money, $9.25 an hour, not bad for a first/summer job. Defiantly praying hard that I get this opportunity.
So I was playing Pokemon Black at the gym today...
I was on the bike mid battle with an Audilo when I heard a kid (my gym has a day care) say, "Wait, What? What are you doing?" He was about 7-8 and was leaving with his mom. I heard his mom say to not pester people and tried to continue leaving. He then said,
Kid:"Are you playing Pokemon?"
Me:"Yes I am"
Me:"Because Pokemon is awesome"
Kid (now with big smile):"Pokemon is awesome! See, Mom! I told you!"
I am having one heck of a day. Totally not feeling like myself, haven’t since around 9ish this morning. I really don’t know why either. All I can think is that I just have so much going on in my head. Here’s my thought list right now:
Computer; “I can’t believe that stupid thing crashed. I can’t believe it, how could that happen? It was totally fine earlier.”
Looking for new computer; “I don’t know what computer to get, everyone keeps telling me mac. But is that the right computer, I like PCs. I have nothing against them, I like the look of Macs. But I don’t know if I want to spend that kind of money on a computer that needs all these fancy programs, when all my programs are made for PC.”
AP tests in May; “How am I going to study for all of these? There are so many of them. I need to do good, I need to study more.”
Graduation; “So, I’m 10th in my class…so what? That could easily be taken away from me if I don’t work harder, I need to focus more.”
UCF; “Am I making the right choice going to this school, I only get this one shoot at a first time college. And I don’t want to have to transfer.”
Money for college; “I’m not sure I have enough money, I’m going to have to take out so many loans. I’ll be broke the rest of my life.”
Michigan Family; “I miss all that family up there. I want to go see them. I want to be around them.”
My life; “I want to be on my own, I want to make my own decisions. They may think they know what is good for me, but they don’t understand my whole life.”
Biggest One Right Now:
Church/God; ”I miss Southside. I miss that youth group. I want to go back. I feel it wasn’t a mistake for the time I was gone, but I feel like God needed me to go away to realize that I need to go back. I want to go back. But I’m not sure if I can. I want to try. But I don’t want anyone to get mad at me. I don’t want to ‘betray’ them.”
Life, take me away. You are too hard for me to deal with, so much to have to think about. I don’t know how much longer I can handle all of this.
My laptop crashed yesterday, had to reboot it all. Lost EVERYTHING! Fun, I know. :/
But now it’s still not working and I’m stuck using our desktop for the next 3 weeks, since I get my new laptop (as a graduation present from my dad) over spring break.
On the plus side, our desktop is a Mac right now, so I get to try it out and see if I want one. I have to say though, right now….I’m not all that impressed. It’s nice and all, but I think I’ve just had a PC for so long. I think a PC is still the way to go for me. Probably another Toshiba. I’m not sure.
I love the look of the MacBooks, they are so pretty :) But I just really don’t know if I like the way they run. I guess I need to do some research.
Stupid computer crashing….. But it’s a blessing in disguise I’m going to say. Maybe God is trying to show me to not care about my computer so much and spend my time doing something else that is so much better. Maybe I can actually start reading again :D